Memoirs of a Mutant
by Red Witch
Summary: Fred and Todd decide to write a book while Tabitha decides to torment Lance and Pietro.


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Disclaimer: I am not making any money off of this. I'm sorry to disappoint all you lawyers out there, but I don't own X-Men Evolution so there! Here's another crazy thought that entered my little mind. 

**Memoirs of A Mutant**

"For the last time Tabby," Lance groaned. "No you cannot try on my jeans!"

"But they'd look so cool on me!" Tabitha pleaded.

"She's at it again," Todd told Pietro. 

"At least she's not raiding my closet!" Pietro sighed.

"Come on," She yanked on Lance's arm and dragged him down the hall to the bathroom. "It will be fun!"

"Fun for who?" Lance tried to get away. "Pietro help me here!" 

"You think we should help him yo?" Todd asked. 

"Might as well," Pietro shrugged "Nothing better to do. Hey Fred you wanna help Lance out? Freddy?" He opened the door to reveal Fred writing something on his bed. There were pieces of paper all over the place.

"Blob what are you doing?" Pietro asked.

"Working on a book," Fred said scribbling. 

"Good, pretty soon you'll be coloring another one," Pietro quipped. 

"Ha Ha!" Fred said drolly. "That's soooo amusing. I'm writing a book, not reading one!" 

"What could you write a book about?" Pietro asked. "What's it's title? 'Great Cheese Flavored Products I Have Known?'" 

"That's so funny I forgot to laugh," Fred sneered. "It's about my life. It's a work in progress."

"Don't say it Quickie!" Todd snapped at Pietro who was about to crack another joke. "I think it's a great idea!"

"Thank you Toad," Fred smiled. "At least somebody around here appreciates fine literature around here."

"Oh please you guys' idea of fine literature is the TV Guide!" Pietro spat. 

"PIETRO!" Lance shouted. "I need your help here!"

"Be right there Lance," Pietro said. "Geeze, can't you handle one girl?"

"This is Tabby you're talking about remember?" Todd pointed out. "Hey Freddy can I help you write your book. I'm getting better with spelling and stuff."

"That's great Toad!" Fred nodded. "Actually I was gonna ask one of you guys to help co-write it with me." 

"Yeah it would be a good idea if one of you who knows all the letters of the alphabet would write this," Pietro snickered. "Whoa! Hey! Don't slime me!" He barely missed Todd's projectile. 

"PIETRO!" 

"Coming," Pietro sighed. "As much as I'd love to hang around and discuss the fine points of ball point pens, Lance is in a crisis with Tabby and they need a brilliant genius to sort the whole mess out."

"So you're gonna help them find one huh?" Todd snickered.

"Good one!" Fred gave Todd a high five. 

"Ha Ha!" Pietro stuck his tongue out. "Coming Lance! Now Tabby I wanna…" He disappeared from the room. His voice could be heard down the hall. "HEY! Where did you get those handcuffs? Tabby! Tabby stop it!" 

"Stop her!" Lance snapped.

"You stop her!" Pietro yelped. "Help!" 

"So what chapter are you working on now?" Todd asked, ignoring Lance and Pietro's plight. 

"I'm just doing some notes on more recent stuff," Fred told him. "You know, how Mystique abandoned us and stuff and there's no food or water. It's supposed to be one of those tearjerker chapters. I think I'm gonna call it: 'We Need Money, Lots of It.'"

"I got a better one," Todd said. "How about this: 'Mystique Where are You? I Want Some Cash!'" 

"Hey that's good!" Fred scribbled it in. "I like it! This working together stuff really works!"

"Hey this is a great idea!" Todd hopped up and down. "All we gotta do is write about stuff as it happens to us and in a couple of years we polish it up, get it published and bam! We're famous authors!"

"Yeah!" Fred nodded. "We'll go on all the talk shows. We'll do book signings, hang out with stars! Make movie deals! I want the Rock to play me!"

"The Rock?" Todd looked at him.

"Well, he'd obviously have to gain a few pounds for the role," Fred shrugged. "Who do you see for you?" 

"I dunno," Todd scratched his head. "Maybe some up and coming actor. You know, give some new guy a chance to be a star. I wanna keep an open mind."

"Good point," Fred nodded. "Huh, and to think all those losers said we'd never amount to anything! Well this will show them!" 

"Yeah! Hey I just thought of something! We can trash the X-Geeks in this book too!" Todd said excitedly.

"Already ahead of you," Fred took out a piece of paper. "Chapter 13: Manipulative Red Headed Witches I Have Known and Other Geeks." 

"Good title," Todd looked it over. 

"You really think people will buy this?" Fred asked.

Just at that moment Tabitha ran by whirling Pietro and Lance's pants above her head. She just barely made it to her room and shut the door when Pietro zipped behind her. "BOOM BOOM GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!" He pounded on the door in his boxers. 

"This isn't funny Tabby!" Lance ran up afterwards. His jeans were missing as well. "Let us in!" 

"Go ahead and try it!" She laughed.

"Okay Lance here's the plan," Pietro said. "We'll go to my room and make a hole in the wall!"

"Got it!" Lance nodded. "You are so dead Tabitha! You hear me? Dead!"

"In your dreams!" She cackled.

Fred and Todd looked at each other while witnessing the spectacle. "Freddy," Todd said. "I think we've got a best seller on our hands!" 


End file.
